I typically do not post things which are controversial due to I truly am a people pleaser. But yesterday I was appalled at some of the comments some “friends” of mine made and others made on a subject. It is also a topic that has come up in the news recently as well
Before I jump in on what my feelings are on this let me please say, I’m sure several people who read this won’t agree with me and that’s fine. I’m not here to hurt people’s feelings, put down their personal choices, or try to make you see my opinion. But this is my little space where I can voice how I feel and I told myself I was going to start doing that more here. Keep in mind, I welcome feed back, but will not tolerate ugliness.
The topic: Breast feeding. Moreover; breast feeding in public.
The issue: Yesterday I had a friend post on Facebook the following: “I had NO CLUE people were so freaked out about breastfeeding!?! It literally blows my mind. Though it shouldn’t come as a surprise that formula-fed idiots are IDIOTS since breastfed babies are smarter"!”
My stance: I’m pro breast milk. That’s right, I didn’t say nursing or breast feeding, I said breast milk. I firmly believe that breast milk is better for a baby, but I also firmly believe in the FDA in that if formula was not safe and good for a baby it would not be around.
Before those of your start to yell at me through your device, I have a 19 month old daughter who I did all of the above with. I nursed/breast fed, pumped and bottled fed breast milk, and gave her formula. So yes, I do have some experience on the subject.
I HATED nursing! Does this make me a bad mother or woman; NO! It took too much time, it was frustrating, it was stressful, my daughter spit up more, it hurt, it wasn’t fun, and I personally didn’t feel like I got any better bonding than if I hadn’t nursed. Add in that I never knew how much my daughter was getting to drink into that mixture. After 6 weeks of that, I decided screw this I’m pumping and giving a bottle. She was already taking a bottle at her bedtime feeding and anytime we were out so she didn’t care. This made our life 100% more enjoyable. I was less stressed, I could do more during the day (i.e. go out without being stressed about having to stop and nurse her somewhere in public), and I knew how much she was getting at each feeding time. Plus this allowed her daddy to bond with her during a feeding time. Yep I said it.
Before I started back to work, my supply started to decrease some too. It was mainly due to I went back on the pill after y 6 weeks check up. I was one of those women who are affected by the pill and still trying to provide breast milk. I knew this, but guess what I was selfish. Go ahead and yell at me how I should have put my child first. Sorry, but my fear of getting pregnant again quickly outweigh that. So I did what any smart, good mother would do, I supplemented with formula. My daughter didn’t noticed a difference. It actually helped more with her spitting up too. She was getting both breast milk and formula.
After being back at work I continue to pump, but it was getting to the point where it wasn’t worth the time it took due to the amount I was producing. So I stopped. Did I feel guilt, sure only because that what others make you feel like. Did I really feel that way, no but I still couldn’t stop myself from thinking it. Did my daughter suffer any, of course not! Am I a horrible mother for stopping, no way! Am an any less of a woman for not being able to provide breast milk for my daughter until she was at least a year old, NO!
Sadly other women, and some men who I still can’t figure out how they think they have a right to talk, make you feel like complete utter crap for not nursing your child until they are 5 years old. Shouldn’t we be supporting each other on the job we were able to do if we were able to provide breast milk for our baby? Instead we talk badly about those who choose not to nurse/pump and go straight to formula. We talk badly about those who don’t but little do we know they were unable to but wanted to and feel horrible about themselves. We talk badly about those who pump and to not nurse. I won’t even get into how husband or men who have NEVER experience nursing want to make their wives feel bad for either not doing it or wanting to stop. When my husband can produce milk and nurse a baby from his nibbles he can tell me when I can and cannot stop nursing/pumping. Sorry men, but this is not something you can make a decision on.
Now, let’s get into what the friend’s post really meant. I won’t even address the fact he tried to say that formula made people dumb. It was talking about breast feeding in public. Yet like most they are unable to separate this act verse the act of nursing period. The most public I ever got to nursing my daughter was in the nursery at the church building. Even then I felt so uncomfortable. I am a very modest person and even though I was the only one in there I was so scared of someone walking in. I was covered up, but I still was not comfortable. My stance on publicly nursing your child is if you have to do so be it, but do it discreetly where no one can tell what you are doing. A group of women going to a mall and sitting in the play area and all at the same time nursing your child is not discreetly. That type of action is doing it to draw attention to what you are doing, not feeding your child for the need of their hunger.
When I was actually nursing, I planned my outings well. I either left right after she was done (we were both ready to go when we started and left right after) or I had a bottle ready in case she needed it. I knew how much time there was before she needed to eat again, so I either got everything done in that time period or I had a bottle ready to give her if needed. I personally do not understand why these women felt the need to do what they did. The time they did this was a nationwide one minute public nursing session. Yeah tell me how that is discreet???
It breaks my heart when I see other women putting down women for not nursing as long as they did. Who says there is a set amount of time you have to do it? Some women are just not able to do it for long periods of time and there is NOTHING wrong with that. We should be praising them for the amount of time they were able to do it! Even before having a child, I was always very careful about what I said to women who had a baby. I never assumed that they were breast feeding or not. I never put down formula verse breast milk. My reason for this was I might not know their personal story. I know how I felt when people found out I was giving my daughter formula. I never want another woman to feel that way.
In the end all I want to try to get across is you never know what the story is. A woman might have tried and tried to nurse, but her milk might not have come in or the baby might not never latched correctly. Your words could bring back all those emotions and disappointment she might feel in herself. That bottle you see her feeding her child might be breast milk for all you know. Do not assume that just because she is not nursing in public doesn’t mean she is not providing breast milk.
